“Now, I know you’re all wondering, who’s the fourth blonde that I mentioned at the beginning,” Robert Jenrick said in his keynote conference speech.
Ex-MP Sir Michael Fabricant, former Prime Minister Liz Truss and conservative influencer Emily Hewertson had all been name-dropped over their short-lived or speculated reality TV appearances.
It might have been expected that the fourth blonde would follow a similar route. Perhaps Stanley Johnson or the Reform-defecting ex-Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries made the cut. Not quite.
In a surprising shift, the fourth Tory blonde was former Deputy Prime Minister Lord Heseltine.
Lord Heseltine, who is also known by his affectionate nickname “Hezza”, shares some interesting characteristics with Mr Jenrick.
Both men engaged in student politics at Oxbridge, both men campaigned for Britain to remain in the European Union in 2016, and both men have long regarded themselves as able to serve as Prime Minister.
However, both men have taken rather different positions on Reform UK leader Nigel Farage.
Just hours after Mr Jenrick revealed the identity of the fourth Tory blonde, Lord Heseltine told a packed audience of Europhiles: “Above all we must make clear that we will never have any part in the populist extremism of Nigel Farage.
“We have to deal with President Trump for the next three years. We don’t need his mouthpiece anywhere near Number 10.”
The former Henley MP has never been shy about his disdain for Mr Farage. During the 2016 Brexit referendum, Lord Heseltine claimed the Reform UK leader was motivated by the “racist and immigrant issue”.
Firing back, Mr Farage said that the now-92-year-old “should be in the Natural History Museum”.
However, Mr Jenrick’s admittedly fraught relationship with Mr Farage is far more courteous.
The Shadow Justice Secretary refused to rule out an electoral alliance with Reform UK on Monday, instead insisting it is “not a priority”.
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‘Slow coach’ Shadow Transport Secretary loses race against Tory rivals
In the heart of the conference hall, competitive Conservative politicians have been desperately trying to outdo each other. More than 20 signed up for National Grid’s Scalextric race.
Very little separated first and 15th, with just a five-second gap separating Huntingdon MP Ben Obese-Jecty and Shadow Welsh Secretary Mims Davies.
Shortly before the main fringe events came to a close, an excited Tory peer stepped up to the plate. And it wasn’t the first time he’s had a go at it.
Having come in at just over 20 seconds in his first attempt, Lord Fuller was determined. The GB News stand was almost left shaking when the adjudicator broke the news.
Coming in a fraction of a second ahead of Mr Obese-Jecty, Lord Fuller had done it. Whizzing around the three-lap track in just 18.46 seconds.
Looking further down the board, one name sticks out: Shadow Transport Secretary Richard Holden. Mr Holden ended up finishing at the bottom of the list.
I suppose it could be worse. We currently have a Junior Transport Minister who still can’t drive at the age of 27.
Shadow Cabinet rift over Income Tax
It’s fair to say that Shadow Chancellor Sir Mel Stride didn’t get Shadow Cabinet clearance before saying the “cleanest” revenue-raising measure would be to hike income tax.
At the TaxPayers’ Alliance fringe event, Shadow Business Secretary Andrew Griffith had his dismay caught on camera.
The head-nodding Arundel MP suddenly appeared confused as Lord Frost broke the news about Sir Mel’s advice to Rachel Reeves.
Taking aim at Sir Mel, Lord Frost said: “I know those in the Shadow Cabinet won’t be able to say this, but I was a bit disappointed to hear our Shadow Chancellor just now saying that if he was in Rachel Reeves’ position he would raise income tax.
“I thought our view was that we should be cutting spending, rather than increasing any kind of tax, and expect to hear that quoted back at us. It is really important to have consistency of messaging.”
However, Griffith appeared to want to avoid any Shadow Cabinet spat taking place in public.
Before the event chairman could come to him, Mr Griffith simply gestured that another audience member should put forward a different question.
Protesters don’t care enough about the Tories to come to Manchester
If there is one sign that the Tory Party has fallen to even greater lows in the past 12 months, it’s that one man decided not to come to Manchester. Before you think it’s a former Prime Minister, it’s not. The man in question is Steve Bray.
The 56-year-old professional mischief-maker rose to fame during the Brexit years.
Heckling Ministers outside the Houses of Parliament and making cameo appearances at major conferences across the country.
Mr Bray made the trip up to Liverpool last week, standing alongside a badger in a bid to push Sir Keir Starmer towards rejoining the European Union. However, in Manchester, he was nowhere to be seen.
Maybe the “Stop Brexit Man” isn’t interested in what is coming out of the Conservative Party Conference.
Some Tories might not worry too much, but it’s a reflection of languishing in a distant-third in the opinion polls.
GB News has approached Mr Bray for comment.
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