It’s the political battle of the year: Germany vs. Brazil!

German Chancellor Friedrich Merz said he and his nation’s press were oh-so happy to return home from U.N. climate talks in Belém, Brazil, in remarks that triggered a political firestorm.

“We live in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. Last week I asked some journalists who were with me in Brazil: Which of you would like to stay here? No one raised their hand,” Merz said upon returning from Brazil. “They were all happy that, above all, we returned from this place to Germany.”

Brazilian President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva didn’t take that slight lying down. “He should have gone dancing in Pará,” Lula said about the state where Belém is situated. “He should have tasted Pará’s cuisine. Because he would have realized that Berlin doesn’t offer him 10 percent of the quality that the state of Pará offers.”

But which is the better country? POLITICO took (an entirely unscientific) look at five key areas to see whether it’s Berlin or Rio de Janeiro, Beckenbauer or Pelé, and currywurst or feijoada that ultimately comes out on top.

Food and drink

Vegetarians are the biggest losers here.

Germany’s meat-driven cuisine is known for Sauerbraten, a heavily marinated dish usually made with beef and served with Knödel (potato dumplings, since you asked). They’ve also got Currywurst (sliced sausage covered in ketchup and curry powder) and Schnitzel (a thin, breaded slice of fried meat), along with countless ways to prepare potatoes, and also breads. Don’t forget the breads.

Brazil’s cuisine is, somehow, even more meat-heavy. Brazilians love a good churrasco (barbecue) and their daily feijoada (a stew of black beans with pork and beef, served with white rice).

The South American country also offers a dazzling array of fresh juices, made from tropical fruits most tourists have never heard of — and, of course, delicious Caipirinhas if you’re looking for something with a bit more punch. Germany can match that, however, with its world-renowned beer culture (more on that later).

On the dessert front, German cakes are great, but Brazil’s açai bowls — a dish made of frozen and mashed fruit of the açai palm — have made it to European stores and hipster brunch cafés.

It’s a narrow win for Brazil, but they do lose points for putting banana and chocolate on pizza.

Brazil: 8 out of 10
Germany: 6 out of 10

Sports

Brazil and Germany are two of international football’s heaviest hitters, and the Seleçao edges Die Mannschaft in the number of FIFA Men’s World Cups won, by 5 to 4. Brazil also beat Germany 2-0 in the 2002 World Cup final in Japan. But (and it’s a big but) in the 2014 World Cup semifinal, Germany crushed Brazil 7-1 at home in Belo Horizonte. The game was a major embarrassment for Brazil, and the national football team has arguably never recovered.

After decades of iconic Brazilian players, from Pelé to Jairzinho to Sócrates to Zico to Romário to Ronaldo to Ronaldinho, the talent pipeline has run somewhat dry. Germany has produced some iconic players of its own — see Gerd Müller, Franz Beckenbauer, Lothar Matthäus and Manuel Neuer — but Brazil edges it here.

Germany has also won two Women’s World Cups, to Brazil’s zero.

While the countries don’t directly face off too often in other sports, two of the most legendary drivers in Formula One history — Ayrton Senna and Michael Schumacher — hail from Brazil and Germany, respectively.

Senna won three world championships before his untimely death in a crash in 1994, while Schumacher won seven titles before retiring in 2012. He suffered a serious brain injury in a skiing accident in 2013 and has been in private treatment ever since.

On the tennis court, German stars Steffi Graf and Boris Becker won a combined 28 individual grand slam titles, which dwarfs the three won by Brazil’s best-ever player, Gustavo Kuerten.

Brazil: 8.5 out of 10
Germany: 9 out of 10

Culture

In the battle of the carnivals, Rio de Janeiro has the clear advantage over Cologne, not just in terms of the number of participants and visitors, but also in that you’re unlikely to have to wear your winter coat under your colorful costume in Rio. Brazil’s northeastern city of Salvador also boasts of having the world’s largest street carnival.

However, carnival is important in both countries and is even dubbed “the fifth season” in Germany.

Germany scores strongly because of Oktoberfest, which is of course mostly held in September (who said German efficiency was a myth?) and is the biggest celebration of beer, sausages (and flatulence) on the planet. It also gives us the annual sight of the chancellor raising aloft a massive festbier.

Not to be outdone, Brazil has its own Oktoberfest in Blumenau, a city in Santa Catarina state. Local authorities say it’s the second-biggest Oktoberfest in the world.

Don’t forget Germany’s famous Christmas markets, although the impact has been dulled by the fact that you can now find them across Europe.

Brazil: 9 out of 10
Germany: 7 out of 10

Economy

The shine has faded off what was once Europe’s superstar economy. Germany’s famed industry has been battered by the twin shocks of soaring energy prices in the wake of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and China’s turn toward high-tech manufacturing. The Asian country, Germany’s largest trading partner, is increasingly becoming a competitor and was the world’s largest exporter of cars in 2023. As a result, the German economy has barely grown since 2020, making it the worst-performing major economy in the EU.

Brazil shines by comparison, having registered brisk growth of around 3 percent the last two years, and this year gross domestic product is expected to expand by around 2.2 percent. The South American country is an agricultural powerhouse and the world’s largest exporter of soybeans. It also holds the distinction of being one of the few developing countries to grow a domestic aerospace industry, with the world’s third-largest civilian airplane maker, Embraer.

Brazil: 6 out of 10
Germany: 2 out of 10

Nature

Germany has diverse landscapes, from the pine woods of the flat north to the famous picture-postcard Black Forest in the hilly south. Brave tourists can take a swim in the (always refreshing!) North and Baltic Seas or hike and ski in the beautiful Alps.

But none of this can match the biodiversity of Brazil’s massive Amazon rainforest (often called the “lungs of the world”) and the coast’s long, panoramic sandy beaches. And don’t forget Iguazu, the largest waterfall system in the world.

The vibrating city of Rio de Janeiro alone combines natural contrasts you won’t find in Germany: The world-famous Copacabana and Ipanema beaches and the lush rainforest of Tijuca National Park are right next to each other, with Christ the Redeemer rising from the hills as Brazil’s iconic landmark.

Brazil: 10 out of 10
Germany: 7 out of 10

Final score

Brazil: 41.5 out of 50
Germany: 31 out of 50

It’s official (sort of), Brazil is better than Germany!

Perhaps Merz should take Lula’s advice and go back so he can appreciate more of what Brazil has to offer.