Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

This week, there’s an exciting opportunity for (rich) readers: I’m trying to raise $1 billion to get a seat on Donald Trump’s Board of Peace — or maybe that should be Bored of Peace!

So far — after checking behind the sofa, harassing colleagues at POLITICO Towers, and busking outside Exki on Schuman roundabout (just about finished “Here Comes The Sun” when the police arrived) — I’ve got the princely sum of €14.28, which, even if Trump tanks the economy by naming Liz Truss as chair of the Fed, isn’t quite enough.

So please give generously (ideally using those big checks — or cheques, if you will — that they used to brandish when schools and hospitals raised large sums of money).

The Board of Peace seems like such an exciting opportunity to potentially sit alongside such noted lovers of peace as Russia’s Vladimir Putin (invited), Belarus’ Aleksandr Lukashenko (accepted), and Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu (who said he’ll join) as well as Trump himself, who so loves peace that he now has a Nobel Peace Prize, albeit with someone else’s name on it.

And who could question its motives? At the launch event for the Board of Peace, Trump said the world is “richer, safer and much more peaceful than it was just one year ago.” Wise words.

There are, however, questions to be asked. For example, what language will its meetings be conducted in? English, of course! As Trump made clear in his speech at Davos (which I will never not confuse with Davros, leader of the Daleks in the TV show “Doctor Who”), without the U.S. getting involved in World War II, Europeans would be speaking German now, which would have come as something of a surprise to locals in *checks notes* Switzerland.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Can individuals even be part of the Board of Peace? It’s unclear, but we all know that if Trump sees a chance to make some money by signing up wealthy people, he’ll seize it faster than you can say “Iceland.” There’s no way that Gianni Infantino, full-time administrator of the Donald Trump Fan Club and sometime head of football governing body FIFA, hasn’t already been in touch about joining.

At the time of writing, Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter, and the shark from “Jaws” had yet to respond to their invitations to join the board, perhaps because they are waiting on a venue for its meetings — the options being (in ascending order of scariness) a haunted castle, the Death Star and Mar-a-Lago.

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” Finally we have an answer to the question ‘what if Temu remade ‘Top Gun?’’”

Can you do better? Email us at pdallison@politico.eu or get in touch on X @POLITICOEurope.

Last time, we gave you this photo:

Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best one from our mailbag — there’s no prize except the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far preferable to cash or booze.

“Let me introduce the next chair of the Fed.”

by David Kemp