How to choose the right dating site for polyamory:
You’re looking to widen the scope of your intimacy, so what do you need to keep in mind? Here are expert-backed tips for using dating sites as a married couple.
A full profile
Don’t limit yourself to your dating preferences/interests, as you and your partner are so much more than that. If you’re looking to truly date other people, then give them more to get to know you. Riske suggests you “add Interests beyond dating (books, art, travel) so connections are rooted in shared values and lifestyles.”
Consider your privacy
Once your profile is out, there is a chance someone you know will see it; that’s simply the truth of the matter. While there is NOTHING to be ashamed of, you need to be comfortable with this possibility. This is why many prefer dedicated dating sites for married people, like FEELD, over regular apps. Alternatively, you may prefer to cover your faces and/or use pseudonyms at first. But it should go without saying that there is no excuse for catfishing or deceiving people.
“Prioritise platforms that emphasise identity verification, privacy and health tools, so you can explore safely and confidently,” Sayle urges.
Think ahead
Before embarking on this wild adventure, take a moment to connect with yourself. “Take the time to explore who you are, what you value, and what truly makes you happy,” recommends Riske. Don’t risk being crowded by other partners before you know what you’re bringing to the table.
State your intentions
Not everyone is open to dating or even sleeping with someone who is ENM, and that is their decision to make. You should never hide your relationship status, as they may have incorrect expectations of what could come from this. Always be upfront and honest, as consent requires full knowledge.
Remember your individuality
Lovegood is experienced in the world of polyamory and urges individuals to not only think of themselves as a unit: “My biggest piece of advice? Honour your individuality within your marriage — it not only attracts authentic matches but also reflects the respect polyamory is built on.”
Check in with your partner
There are a lot of tips for polyamory in general, but especially when you and/or your partner are using dating apps, it’s important to stay upfront and honest with one another. Decide whether you can only message together or feel comfortable using it solo, and what you’d each like to know.
“My advice for couples using apps is to be upfront and aligned with each other on intentions,” advises Parsons. “Clear communication and shared boundaries are what make exploring new dynamics fulfilling and sustainable.”
Ease yourself in
Sayle urges users to avoid meeting up too quickly. “Start slowly and use messaging/group chats first before jumping into in-person meetups,” she advises. When you do get to the first meetup, Sayle suggests choosing community events or workshops to meet like-minded people rather than blind dates.
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