
Gus also still doesn’t know how he’ll ever fully change his ways of thinking. “[With Red Pill] the world feels simpler and provides some sense of control,” he says. “I joined this community and try to deprogram myself with videos with critiques of the Red Pill, so I guess that’s a start. I also try to be more cognisant of the world around me whenever I’m actually outside.”
Thornburn concedes that these communities have their limitations.
“Even if they receive empathetic support and advice from other users on the forum, this is simply not enough support for a lot of users,” he says. “Some posts really show that some individuals are facing severe struggles with things like depression, anxiety and with body image. Occasionally, some people posting on the forums will mention that they feel suicidal. While it is good that individuals are reaching out to try and find support, sometimes more beneficial help might be found through seeing a qualified therapist, or reaching out to a mental health support hotline.”
Gus is one ex-Red Piller who has benefited from extra support. “Frankly, I also go a little heavy duty and have full-on therapy, but that’s because I have a lot of baggage,” he says. “I don’t know if I recommend it 100% due to cost and the time to find a good match, but it’s worth considering.”
Thorburn notes that it may not actually be all that helpful to peek inside the world of these counter movements online. “Generally, I think it’s better if people who are outsiders to the manosphere, don’t just go on the r/ExRedPill forum to criticise the manosphere.
“Research on deradicalisation generally shows that it’s easier for someone to leave an extremist group, if they feel supported in that process. So I fear that if someone who is potentially thinking about leaving the manosphere, and they start going on r/IncelExit or r/ExRedPill and they feel that place is really hostile towards them, it may actually dissuade them from seeking help… Because if someone’s doing that in a really hostile way, that’s probably going to be counterproductive.”
So, what’s next? “Although HealthyGamerGG, r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill can’t always help everybody, it’s great that there are accessible and free resources out there that can support people who are struggling with things like loneliness, anxiety and low self-esteem,” says Thorburn. “Potentially, helpful resources like this could help incels to deradicalise, or to even divert vulnerable individuals from going into the manosphere to begin with.”
In other words, the appearance of these communities is a positive sign, and it is important for men who have been radicalised to have a safe, non-judgmental place to go through the process of deradicalisation. Is it the only solution? No. While grassroots movements are vital, we also need to continue pushing for awareness, education and government-led policies that keep women safe and help men find the support they need.
As Dan Guinness, the Managing Director of Beyond Equality, says, “Across the UK, important progress is being made to engage men and boys in developing deeper, more connected understandings of themselves and their roles in society.
For this progress to be sustained and effective, it must rest on shared principles that recognise the diversity of masculinities, the realities of precarity and power, and the fundamental importance of purpose, care, and connection.”
*Name has been changed for anonymity.



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