Why do the sex scenes that we see on screen matter, in terms of representation?

Ita: If the intimate content we see is unrealistic, separated from its emotional narrative, then it’s telling us a lie about ourselves. It’s making us less honest, less open. It’s in danger of making us behave in ways that are destructive to ourselves, and our relationships. But if what we see is complex and truthful, the entertainment industry can help society understand itself better.

How have you seen the conception and attitudes towards consent change in your career, on and off screen?

Ita: Over the course of my career, I’ve witnessed an extraordinary cultural shift in how we understand and value consent — not just on screen, but within society at large.

In the 1970s and 80s, the industry, like so many institutions, was deeply entrenched in patriarchal structures. There was a normalisation of power imbalances and a prevailing attitude that certain behaviours — often exploitative — were simply part of the job. In the 1990s, we began to see the first significant cracks in that veneer. Then, of course, came the Weinstein revelations and the subsequent rise of the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements. These catalysed a long-overdue conversation within the entertainment industry. People could no longer look away. There was a collective recognition that complicity, turning a blind eye, was no longer acceptable.

I May Destroy You – which I worked on – didn’t just portray consent; it interrogated it, showing how messy, layered, and human it can be. It was a privilege to support that vision as an intimacy coordinator.

Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien

We have seen other cultural movements, like Black Lives Matter in the wake of George Floyd’s death, pushing us all to reckon more deeply with issues of power, equity and justice. Now, agreement and consent are no longer “nice to have”, they are the foundation of best practice. The industry has come to see that professionalism includes looking after our people. When an actor says “no,” we don’t see that as a problem, we understand it as part of the process where they are invited to voice their requirements, claiming their space and autonomy. That’s something to be respected, not overridden.

How does the importance of sex education fit into your work as an intimacy co-ordinator?

Ita: Sex education is foundational to this work. What we see on screen, whether we realise it or not, shapes how we understand relationships, desire and intimacy. For many people, especially young people, the stories they watch become their primary sex education. When those stories are grounded in shame, objectification or fantasy devoid of consent, they do real damage.

If the only place people are learning about sex is through pornography, we’re missing the opportunity to communicate about sensuality, emotional connection and mutual respect. Porn isn’t inherently bad, but it’s not designed to teach us about care, or communication, or how to be in a relationship with another human being.

That’s why I believe we have a responsibility as storytellers. We have to reflect not just what is titillating, but what is truthful. That includes the awkward moments, the negotiations, the asking and checking in. The intimacy. Because when we depict those things with honesty and integrity, it gives people permission to do the same in their own lives.

Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires is out now.