What if ditching certain habits could (re)boost your self-esteem? Korean psychiatrist Dr Yoon Hong Gyun, who wrote The Self-Esteem Class: Simple Lessons for a Lifetime of Contentment, has identified three such habits and – more importantly – explained how to get rid of them for good.

3 habits that could damage your self-esteem:

1. Pre-emptive defeat

The “tendency to exaggerate things, to make them seem worse than they are” is common in cases of stress or anxiety.

“When a person has a tendency to catastrophise, the problem intensifies, pushing the person to despair prematurely and give up,” explains Dr Yoon Hong Gyun. “They may think they’re hopeless because they’ve failed, but in reality, they’ve failed because they’ve given up.”

To deal with maladaptive reactions, he advises getting to know your deepest fears (death, separation, bankruptcy…). Since these fears are not easy to identify, some therapists recommend asking the same question over and over again, “What do you think will happen next?” This is when you realise that the real problem is often not the actual fear, but the fear that it will escalate into a catastrophe.

“Once you’ve identified what you’re really worried about, you often find that the problem is manageable. When you transform vague, nebulous anxiety into specific, realistic concerns, you have the opportunity to find solutions or dispel your worries,” explains Dr Hong Gyun. In short, identifying and accepting your fears enables you to take action to anticipate and/or overcome them.

2. Lethargy

According to Dr Hong Gyun, lethargy can also be called laziness, lack of motivation, lack of willpower and lack of perseverance. Whatever you call it, it’s a major cause of self-criticism.

“The main cause of lethargy,” he explains, “Is often related to rewards, which can be divided into two categories: positive and negative. Positive rewards are the pleasant events that motivate us to act, such as a promotion, pay rise, praise or attention from others. Negative rewards, on the other hand, include failure, rejection, indifference and discouraging reactions from those around us. No matter how many positive rewards we receive, if negative rewards have a stronger emotional impact, we lose motivation.”

It can also be linked to physical exhaustion or anxiety. Dr Hong Gyun quotes French psychiatrist Christophe André: “Inaction is typical of people suffering from low self-esteem. They think, ‘If only this or that were different, I would act.’ This negative tendency and lethargy are reinforced by the conviction that “It’s a good thing I didn’t act; it wouldn’t have worked anyway’.” Inaction, a negative attitude and an avoidance tendency reinforce each other and create a vicious circle.

“Many people think they can only start afresh once they’ve got rid of their negative attitudes and avoidance compulsion. They think they have to correct past experiences to change the present.” In his view, the problem lies in overthinking. “This exhausts the brain, which then generates negative thoughts.” Instead, he advises taking action. “Take small steps towards your goal before deciding you’re going to fail. To regain motivation, stop thinking and start moving. Don’t wait for motivation to suddenly appear.”

3. Procrastination and avoidance

To break bad habits, it will be necessary to accept change. “If you want to regain your self-esteem,” Dr Hong Gyun says, “Devote your energy to transforming your future (rather than analysing your past). Get rid of the habit of avoiding and delaying change, and set yourself new goals.” He raises four prerequisites for this process:

1. Put your heart first: “The agent of change is you, and the target of change is you too. We spend too much time comparing ourselves to others, arguing or feeling guilty. Start by taking care of your own heart. Identify what hurts you most and think about how to heal it.”
2. Take action.
3. Persevere. “Everything is exciting and enjoyable at first, but it becomes less interesting over time. You’ll reach that plateau in your journey to regain your self-esteem. And when you get there, don’t stop or pause in your efforts.”
4. Don’t isolate yourself: “It’s more effective to work on mental health together, preferably with a professional, rather than alone. If you find it difficult to work with others, use tools such as a journal, blog or notebook. Instead of letting your daily efforts go unnoticed, write down what you did and how you did it.”

This feature was first published on Vogue France.