All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” is the opening line of Leo Tolstoy’s 1878 novel Anna Karenina. Hysteria about the Duke of Sussex and Brooklyn Beckham reminded me of this, and that parallels drawn between clans at war with wayward sons are pointless. The drama and agony are unique to each. While both appear to be MEMs – “mother-enmeshed men”, a phrase coined by clinical psychologist Dr Ken Adams PhD, author of When He’s Married To Mom – their back stories are dissimilar.

The Beckham matriarch lives and is welded to her husband. Harry was deprived of his mother when he was 12. His parents had been indulging in affairs since the year after his birth, had separated by the time he was eight and divorced four years later, shortly before Diana died. The prince was used to sharing mummy with her boyfriends.

Brand Beckham, like the Royal Family, has long peddled a perfect-clan image to which mere mortals might aspire. But apparently close families are often blighted by a toxic dynamic peculiar to their own set-up.

The illusion lasts only as long as their offspring’s childhood. Maturity exposes reality. Over-involvement, unrealistic expectations and an inability to observe boundaries have consequences. Protective parents can feel threatened by the arrival of an outsider to take their child away.

Thus are Victoria and David apparently affronted by the Nicola Peltz Beckham, 30, the American billionaire’s daughter married to their 26-year-old first born “brand-child”.The actress, called a “viper” by Victoria, is held to blame for her son missing David’s 50th birthday celebrations.

Harry, 40, was also “hijacked” by an American actress, the widely mistrusted Suits star turned Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle. Torn from homeland and royal roots, he too lives in California.

Like his mother, he bared his pain in interviews and a ghostwritten cry-for-help memoir. He offended his close family and more. His bid for special protection failed. He never brings his wife and children here.

Harry and his brother William haven’t talked for years. But who knows? We are not that bothered because this feels familiar. One in four of us is estranged from a parent, a sibling or both. Incapable of communicating or establishing boundaries, it is often easier to cut ties and crack on without them.

But in the royal realm, fallout is compounded because boundaries are not permitted. You play by its rules. You’re either in or out.

If asked, I’d say this to Harry and Brooklyn: you do you. Do so privately, resisting the urge to whinge. Estrangement’s not always unhealthy. Reuniting for the sake of appearances is false. Perhaps you will find, Harry, in Archie and Lilibet, the ways to heal your own childhood.

I hope so. And Brooklyn, relax: chances are you’ll find your way back across the bridge. Although understand that we over here are not holding our breath. No one cares that much. There are wars on.